Oct 31, 2007


it`s so sickening...the facts of life,
the rush in blood,
the outbreak of thoughts,
the dryness of heart,
suffocation of lungs,
somewhere it is destiny,
somewhere the pain inflicted,

ending up in a deathbed ...
deathbed made up of flowers...
the sweet fragrance,
the cozy comfort,
the heavenly silence!!!

I was never harsh ... then too named like that by few ... not a bluffer .. then too understood in the ways ... but finally what matters is ... "am i really so submissive to some stupid opinions generated by some fucked up people`s ruthless minds??"...

Then i think..why this happened to me ever??..it`s so easy for all to laugh at me .. and the best ... the partners in crime are the ones who love to do that ... i don`t exactly care about them .. but then i don`t know .. whether i should ask for a punishment for them .. or should i continue praying for them ??...

Anyways i have seen a lot of people around me facing the same and some faking the same...lol!!!...will i ever forgive her???..lol...lol...lol...i mean them??...lol..lol..lol...

Q. What will you do if you ever meet her in future??

A.(brain):- make her life miserable hence forth after meeting!!!!

A.(heart):- just say "who are you?"...and continue your walk!!!!

Q. Was she always wrong??

A.(brain):- Fucking yes!! cause she was always a fake!!!

A.(heart):- May be right all the times, but wrong at the first step which made my life a hell for some time!!!

Q. Do you still feel for her??

A.(brain):- Fuck even the thought which has any feeling for her!!!

A.(heart):- Any feeling which i have for her whether it is hate or love is more than what i have for any normal person!!!

These are just the questions regarding which i feel some differences...but i seriously don`t have time to think about it....I am just too happy now even to make these things create any differences in my life!!!


Oct 29, 2007


today was someday when i din`t eat anything and i am still okay without any food in my tummy.....
anger, hurt, fear, laughter....everything hovers around me in splits nowadays....i feel all the emotions striking me in the 24 hours...but i am fine with them...cause they are real...and reality is better than fiction!!!:)



"trying to erase you from my memory,
cause thinking you just jumbles up my mind,
i love you too much to ever start liking you,
so lets just the story end again,
i love you too much to ever start liking you,
so don`t expect me to be your friend!

u always act so happy when i see u,
u smile that way you take my heart away,
introduce me to your latest love,
thats when i feel the walls start crashing in.

i love you too much to ever start liking you..."

this happened with Lobo and i pity at him...why did he ever land in such a situation??...And then i pity at myself cause i created one for myself too...lol!!!!..

Had this great fight with A. when i said that there is no feeling called love existing in a girl`s heart...the only thing they know is POLITICS and they are the best at it....I din`t pay any attention that the person to whom i am talking belongs to the same gender....so later i had to discontinue the discussion with some silly misplaced jokes!!!....

I think i need a smoke now...somewhere something is going wrong and i can feel it....what?...i don`t know..but someone is not well!!!

Trying to regain my spirits again...cig does help a lot...

I smoked it out,
watched the feelings fade away,
comforted with burnt lungs,
i washed the pains away!!!...:)

that was nice ... sometimes i do think that i am in love with myself cause i can play with words in the ways i want to...

Q:-why are most of the songs made symbolize love in some way or the other??...

A:-cause people can write in pain and love inflicts as much as a person can bear and finally lets him crash down left with some words to toy with!!!...lol!!!....

thats my reply to a brilliant question which was for sure incarnated by my brain....

this blog is a game which my heart plays against my brain....either of the two win....but i love it when my heart wins and my brain too applauds this situation cause it wants heart to win every race for me to stay alive and give a continuous supply of oxygen to it ...needed for its survival...

MEAN BRAIN....lol!!!!!:):):)

anyways...for now...



While I am writing down here some of my feelings which i am having now...i can hear the song..."An Englishman in New York"....

"be urself no matter what they say,
am an alien, am a legal alien,
am an englishman in New York!!!"

Last night i never wanted to panic up to the limits i did...finally i am the one who faces it...the anger and the drown of blood...it has happened with me before but i don`t know why i can`t forget things...will it continue in this way always...will i never forget these people who actually did no good to my life...or probably the did some good...May be!!!

The thoughts and the conversation with one of my friends yester night!!

A:- " tum meri wajah se p. se baat nahi kar rahe ho, aise mat karo. mai ab to theek hoon na. aur aisa to nahi hai ki p. ke aane ke baad tum mujhe ek dam baat nahi karoge. do din mein ek baar bhi baat karoge to b chalega. main ek dam theek hoon. kasam se!"
(u r not talking to p. cause of me, don`t do this, i am fine now and it`s not like that after p. comes u will not talk to me at all, will talk at least once in two days. i am perfectly fine. swear!)

me:- "so jaao, zyada dimag mat khaao. Woh maara! For diya maine aaj. Chidhane ka naya record ban jayega aise to!"..he he he!!
(go to sleep and don`t eat my brain. bingo! today i crossed all the limits of teasing you!),,,lol!!!:)

then we had a talk...it was late and we were talking about something very serious concerning my past life and the talk seriously sent some shivers around in both of us...we were trying to discover some facts which will remain better undiscovered....it`s very sad and at the same time very traumatizing ...

"let the dilemma remain inside till you die, whether she was right or wrong!" this is what i said to myself when i was trying to strain my mind to know something which always remained unknown...

yesterday was something else...today i feel...i should seriously offer a prayer for her...

"God it`s fine with me,
i don`t know..and i don`t want to know
if it at all accepts someone so seriously,
just get her life on right tracks,
make her happy,
and above all,
find her some good soul mate on whom she can rely upon"....

A prayer from heart!!!...


one for myself....

"make me forget her completely at the last note,
i don`t want to remember her or even search her traces any more!"



Fuck off!!!

This is for that part of my heart which still believes that no,,,the girl was not wrong...FUCK OFF...If u think so...fine...I am wrong and am pretty happy to be wrong....

For once in lifetime plz...Sorry, i won`t curse anyone here on my blog...cause i don`t want that one curse due to the wrong state of mind falls on someone affecting her life...

Sometimes i just think ... i think nothing at all....JESUS CHRIST i feel so pissed off at people faking their fucking heart...I want to scream and tell them , "listen just for once get your heart as the ruler or probably if their is a hooker inside tell me that."...They won`t understand that...they won`t...they are happy in their life and i am in love with god who helps them in fucking fool people who believe...believe them...believe their feelings...

No nothing, we have no scope left..because we will meet such maniacs at every step of our life and we have to act as a prey for them and to make things better ... our own experiences won`t count then too...we will land up smoking and drinking and killing us...destroying our own weight...to be treated as garbage at last...

And these people...these so so very brainy humans will have some reasons to deliver to their fellow breed members of why they fucked us...but they will be happy thinking that whatever fuck they did was for some very noble and generous reason...and they are either..."jesus"..or ... "Virgin Marry" in disguise!!!!

I mean i still think how can i be so cruel to my new born baby...only 7 days old Taaraa(my kitten)...to tell her that see baby thats ur mom.....now i should tell her....see baby that is who fucked your dad and i am happy din`t lay any hand on you with her some stupid conclusive and rusted act....

My Taaraa is going to be a mom herself in now some 9 weeks and i am really very excited about it...the kids will have a grandfather and a very very young momma....:)...Oh...just shrinks my heart....the thought just shrinks everything inside...My kitten will give birth to her kitten...wow!!!...When i am penning down all the rage and wrath in the blog....baby is sleeping on my lap...purring...and i love her...i love her a lot!!!...She never needed any mom ever...and she doesn`t need cause .............Rubbish....i don`t want to write further...my anger just dismayed me....i am happy with it...at least!!...i even don`t want to spend my negativities for her!!!!

Anyways...I think i should just cool myself down with a cup of tea and one or two cigs...better than to go on abusing someone who was never even known completely to me...


Oct 28, 2007

screams!! finally heard!!

i always new this about me ... finally i have put it into action...:)...

let me talk about the songs i heard today first and later on the day!!

1. outta my system by bow wow ... wonderful song but in no ways resembling my feelings for now as i don`t think that i am still under the spell!!!:)

2. the way i are ... the girl who will be with me will deff sing the lines which Keri hilson has sung!!!..

3. be someone ... 3 doors down .. this song is like regular for me nowadays..i love everything about it!!

4. behind blue eyes .. 3 doors down .. NO COMMENTS!! have a lot to discover about this song ..

and a lot many...one by james morrisson, few by meat loaf and bon jovie!!


the phone rang and i was scared to see the name that phone was calling ..... i don`t want to mention the name but ya i am too scared of this person .. she is like ruling me and i can`t even retaliate cause she is always right about the things i am supposed to do..din`t pick up...just ran to wash room and freshened up...applied some gel to my hair and ran towards the parking where my not so virgin bike was placed...inserted the keys and acknowledged the one kick start...drove at around 70 and reached the decided place in 10 minutes...completed my work and returned home just to remember that two days since i saw her...:(...lol!!
went for a movie...had a talk with various members of my family and went to the nearest open air cafeteria with few of my friends!!!...throughout the day i was tensed about my cat cause she is having her first "heat period" and she is agitated cause of that...can`t see her in pain...probably will take her to vet tomorrow but will make a point that he doesn`t offer spaying as an easy escape to kill her pain...i can`t steal her gift to become mother at any point of time...
the topic on which i was keen to discuss was "the alter ego"...so this remained the topic for nearly 6 hours while we were freaking out at night...we discussed ..."aptamitra", "chandramukhi" and the hindi remake of the two mentioned movies "bhool bhulaiya"...as always i created a bate out of all the guys till Allwyn was like..."Amit tu kabhi bas nahi karega na, har insaan mein tujhe ek bakra nazar aata hai na jo ki tujhe kaatna hai..."...lol!!!

I don`t know why i am still uncomfortable talking to P .. though i really like her... the only thought...first i need to get out of past relation so that i can proceed in a very proper way...why should that girl suffer...why should she face what i faced??...Love doesn`t require any substitution that if you can`t get the person you love you use someone else to make yourself feel fine!!...This is not at all done...I was fucking used for that purpose and i don`t want to inflict any of such pains on anyone else!!..NO!!...NOT AT ALL!!!

I am not good today but!!...Something is fucking killing me....


Oct 26, 2007

The Witch Of Portbello!!!...Paulo Coelho...

It happened like...I went to search for "The Alchemist"..cause i lost my book and found this too and was more than happy to read the bottom line specifying the novel...

"How do we find the courage to be true to ourselves---even if we are unsure of who we are?"

First 10 pages and it has completely mesmerized me...

Few quotes....

1. No one lights a lamp in order to hide it behind the door: the purpose of light is to create more light, to open people`s eyes, to reveal the marvels around.

2. No one places her dreams in the hands of those who might destroy them.

3. Even if the idea behind my script was to demythologise the place, people would believe what they wanted to believe.

Who says you can`t go home...courtsey: Bon jovi!!

yes!!! this is what i want to say to everyone lost somewhere..."Who says you can`t go home?"....A perfect song for people who have just forgot themselves cause of few acquaintances in this life...some bad moments...nothing changes...just remember yourself...forget every bad thing as a scary nightmare and run!!!
Everything will be fine!!

One thing i am noticing about myself is that i am again regaining social nature....i again see people around me...i have again become a crowd attractor!!...(touch wood!!!)

Faced some serious comments from many around and i don`t know why....i mean should i go and tell them that listen for you people i even kept fasts ... prayed and cried...but as "A" said...they will laugh at it, making a joke out of everything...So i will just wait and watch and probably one day...they will face the same when someone does the same...I really believe everything that the song "what goes around comes around" by Justin wants to deliver.

No hard feelings for her...she was always a pillar for me and whatever i wrote to her was out of anger...but i will stick to it this time...cause may be the whole thing gave me a clear view of what she actually thinks and what she pretends!!!

Fuck!! I am again losing myself and at this time...when i should actually sleep...

Let me talk about something good...as I said i am regaining myself...and i am living every moment...I never thought it was so easy to live and live happily...I am still the same...I still add my responsibilities, talk to myself, listen to the "give up life" kind of song...but now they are so beautiful!!!


Aloha for now!!!:)

Oct 25, 2007

Aah Aante ... lol!!!

don`t go with the name...it`s of no use...the song from the movie AARYA..was just playing in my mind and i named this post after that!!!


Seriously i mean...they end up judging me and when i do this with them they are like...."We have not given you rights to judge us!"....

FUCK OFF!!!...lol....

"aa anTe amalapuram
aah anTe aahapuram
e anTe icchapuram
eela koTTi lagutaaru andhra janam"
this song seriously rocking me through and through!!!.....yeah!!!

Ya what was i talking about...oh, okay!!...let us end that now...I am totally over the past two years when i met few humans whom i don`t want to even remember!!...One thing ... may be i was wrong in their eyes but the difference will always be the trueness in the relation which i shared with them from my side and their fake attitude always!!!...Give it up AMIT now!!!...:)


i am totally living with myself and few friends and the best thing i am again LOVING myself.....i smoke, i drink but i enjoy in whatever i do!!...No false concerns tormenting me..no false souls around...nothing.....lol!!!!..Life is so very beautiful!!!....

Now i think my life will take a leap ahead for sure in all departments....I have started reading again...yesterday i purchased 7 books...two by PAULO COELHO ..one by Robin Sharma and few others, some biographies and a BIBLE based book!!!

Listening to a lot of music...of all Genres...of all kind...telugu, tamil, hindi and of! course the western classics ....some new pop and rocks....nickelback is hot favourite for today cause he played himself deliberately without me asking in the morning....i was like surprised...how did he know i want to listen him...lol....actually i had one of his videos in the cd which i was listening to today..."this is how you remind me"...I enjoyed it!!!...

Writing a lot...few days i din`t prefer "deeds" to be a nice place to vomit the "POISON" that i had in my throat...so word served the purpose for me...:)

Today was a nice day but then i was unable to see the one whom i really wanted to see...:(...then it`s okay...probably in the evening or tomorrow...

I lost a lot of people in past month but when i look back i feel, i am okay without them, probably more happy and expressive without them,..I can see and feel my charm returning back....L stopped talking to me at a very stupid reason which i never wanted to reason out...what i feel now is....he is the one who is left alone and not me....and there is a big cause around it...I can say that...I wished good for him always and loved him but he was always selfish in his relations with me and finally the end .. God decided....N was like...she doesn`t want to hurt me...and i was like okay!!!....he he he....When these people will understand that it is not so easy to hurt me...but i think everyone delivers such statement cause of his/her own needs..not in concern of someone else...no one is so GODLY....last but not the least...the final episode which was not so pretty ... she stopped talking to me again due to some of her brain`s playings...i don`t know what...this time i too lost somewhere and decided to be what she had been to me a million number of times...I suffered some harsh statements and gave few too...The difference here is that i din`t feel bad or the breakage inside...I was fine...Then i remembered B. for sometime and thought about what wrong did i do to her...and came with the conclusion that may be i was wrong somewhere ethically but i never had any wrong feelings behind anything...so I consider myself totally out of all the cases...cause,,,i was never wrong or false about MY FEELINGS!!!...

The joke nowadays on which A and I laugh a lot is.... "Me , myself and I ka 108 baar jaap karo"...he he he...

I will unfold the secret behind this MANTRA soon!!!

Till then...to all...


Oct 21, 2007

JAI SHRI RAM!!!!.....need this today!!!

i don`t know i was getting so stuck up everywhere today..nothing seemed to be right...no songs...till i heard "CASABLANCA"...suddenly my mood changed and after that i heard few songs by STINGS....."walking on the moon"....being the maximum time heard today!!!

then came the evening and then came the "VIJYADASHMI" charm...and the "JAI SHRI RAM"...sounds everywhere inside my heart and brains....I looked towards my small temple and the "RAM DARBAR" picture shining...

FELT BEAUTIFUL!!!...the feeling that i had while i looked in RAM`s eyes asking for his help....was the most touching one.,...so touchy that it even touched me!!!:)

Later on i had this beautiful message from A asking from me if i wanted to ask something from god as she was going to temple!!!...

I asked for what?...let it be a secret...but ya, i din`t behave like an egoist giving some kind of heavy stuff like..."no you ask for yourself..."...or something like that....As a true BEGGAR i dropped my prayers in the girl`s bag so that she can deliver those to GOD who i don`t know why.,...cause of some weird reason is creating some distance with me!!!

there is a lot to discuss today about my feelings but i don`t know why i am seriously feeling uncomfortable doing that here!!! let us wait for the right time!!!....


Oct 20, 2007

Rest in PIECE!!!

Actually i wanted to name it as "PEACE"...but then i decided "PIECE" will be better...I mean it defines LONELINESS in a very subtle and pure form!!! I was just sitting and thinking about all these stand up artists...they are so very talented with so many one liners and punches...i mean they can distort anything in such a fashion that it will seem to be a joke!!! This is something everyone should do in normal day to day life..cause when things are wrong you can`t do anything..you have two choices..

1. cry and face the situation..
2. smile and face the situation..

In both one thing that is going to remain constant and undisturbed is the SITUATION...so why to cry and tense the nerves....just smile and let the things go....(though i am saying...i don`t exactly follow it...lol!!!...)

Enough of all these "ENLIGHTENMENT TOPICS"....I think i should give a glimpse of some of the things while i try to figure out things needed for my project or presentations or studies!!!!...Have a look!!!...lol!!!

this is the one which was being developed while A. was explaining me about some sensors monitoring the movement of state buses and i was HEARING it....not necessarily listening till i got a scolding from her..."tu sun na rey...kyun aise kar raha hai!!!"....I was like...."I am listening to you...ya tell me!!!"....he he he!!!

this was drawn today in the morning when i was going through some pages of my old D.S.P. book...trying to figure out something...what??.,...i won`t tell...:P...i am scared of people trying to steal my novellas ideas!!!...he he he!!!

this one....look at it...the most interesting one...as far as i remember this page is a summary of 3 chapters of the book by s.d. sharma...operational research!!!....I think he should or anyone who believes in writing thick books for poor students take some guidance from me about cutting the very long story shorts!!!...lol!!


i think i should stop this writing for now.....three posts in a day after a gap of only one day...i am seriously up to creating some kind of HISTORY...and i don`t want to be a part of history cause it has the credit to forget the greater ones and remembering the timid ones!!!...he he he...



i told a day before about my new developed habit to send a framed or some where read lines to a group of friends and then sleep!!!
i love to see all sorts of reactions when i wake up in the morning...yesterday night`s message was a very contradictive one...

the message i sent!!!

The mind is always wrong and the mind is always right, cause mind knows only logic, the heart knows love. Let love be decisive and love has never been wrong and logic has never been right!"


N:- "you change your thoughts quite often. Love is a crap, a statement passed by you only"

(a reply was needed here and i did reply...but those will be posted after sometime ;) )

A:- " Its not the case always coz sum ppl, they always think 4m mind and nvr feel 4m heart. nd if u keep someone like that in ur heart, then u`ll be left alone with the feeling that u have been fooled by the person and d heart!!"

(bingo!!! this was some answer!! i loved it...and i am still surprised how much this feeling love can change a person...i mean the max. can be 360 degree turn...but here even 720 doesn`t seem too be enuff!!!)

S:- "Love is nothing but lust here and mind is always mad, it is uncontrollable. Rise above mind and heart. Use your intelligence and search for truth. Read Bhagvad Gita. All these are dealt in detail! hare krishna!"

(hare ram! hare ram! hare krishna! hare ram! ... i m not at all making fun of him...his thoughts....this person even called me up early in the morning to tell me something but as always i behaved like a non listener...with the only statement..."i never told you to believe on this...it was just an expression!!!")

Few others were there but all the forwarded ones which i am in no mood to discuss!! Ya the N episode!!!

after the message of the lady...my replies were...

1."I never said it is not right! Everything which is crap for me is not necessarily wrong!"
2. "Onething ya, i do contradict myself. I am large. I contain multitudes!"

The best thing yet to mention...when i told this to my sister she was like..."tera wapis chalu hua na...ME, MYSELF AND I wala episode!!!"...lol!!...she loves to call me Bruce of Bruce Almighty!! I don`t even know the logic behind it....but but but....as i mentioned...keep away from logic....just believe on LOVE...and u will land up as a loser.....

isis baat par...AMIT BABA KI JAI!!!...he he he!!!

anyways time to end...get back to words soon...as i can`t live without writing....i am foolishly so addicted to it!!!

Yeah one more thing...i saw someone expressing something to someone which basically i used to express that someone and that someone was comfortable with that expression of the someone and surprisingly the someone was comfortable with my expressions too....so finally i conclude myself to be a fool in front of both the someones!!!....he he he...!!!

A total someone mystery!!!!.....lolllllllllll!!!!:):):)


It is coincidence in no ways...i am seriously talking about the EPIC....i love to....GUIDE...written by Mr. R.K. NARAYAN...and the movie directed by Vijay Anand and Dev Anand as The GUIDE in the movie...

A strange feeling strikes me whenever i think about the movie...and it is obvious to strike after knowing the fact that i have seen the movie for more than 25 times now and have scenes and dialogues on my finger tips....

Everything, i don`t know why...pulls me to redemption..what evil i have done or what i can do...i sm not at all aware of that but i don`t want to indulge in any more ... cause i can`t change the past...if it needs a run away i will do it too!!!

Listen to this song..just click here and download it...

Oct 18, 2007

I am not happy


some paras i loved!!!

"Of! course ever since i remember i have done what i felt like doing.
That is why i was admitted three times to a psychiatric clinic,spent few
terrifying days in dungeons of Brazil`s military dictatorship,and just
as quickly lost and won friends and girlfriends!!"

"I bear many a scar but i also carry with me moments that never would have
happened if i had not dared beyond limits."

"Better forget this idea of seeking happiness at any cost and look for
more interesting thing like unknown seas, strangers,provocative thoughts,
risky experiences!!"

head off!!

Don`t go with the title...i was unable to think any good mandatory TITLE so i chose it...Sometimes my thoughts do make me think that i am a PESSIMIST... but then i get back when i see pumping some zeal in others...laughing at what passed and making fun of what can happen in future....

A tiny coward...thats what supposedly i am...A. called me up and she was like.,..when are you going to complete the FICTION...my first reaction was....IT`S COMPLETE...then to find a pass way from her discovering that it was not necessarily me as the main character...I started to fool her with something like.,..it will be completed...no need to worry....When she got me by a statement...Let the two meet once...I had no hide outs after that since i can`t lie on that context and i had to vomit the reality!!!

NO SMOKING....i laugh at this...i mean they have named a movie like "NO SMOKING" and the guy in the lead is a chain smoker...lol!!!...The studs were trying to tease me up by saying.."amit tu dekhna ye movie...tere liye heen hai!!"...When i got hold of them by comments like...it`s NO SMOKING...for non smokers...not for the smokers!!! lol!!!...

When i began i had some plans in my mind to write...wait i am getting them...I am developing this new habit of forwarding some self created messages to a few people around including her!!!...I don`t know why i do this ... but i like doing it....get some vivid reactions from all sides!!!...

yesterday`s night message...


the replies i got...(some sent me forwarded messages in reply...good ones!!)







enuff for now!!!....i want to write something more but i think it is better unsaid!!!:)


1. I m totally blank and i think that what started with a prank is somewhere seriously involving me and i have to take care of it...if i am able to!!!!

2. let us see if the move helps out...i am sure she will get back with something..i totally know pragati...she is of the kind who can`t accept any kind of loss...a TRUE WINNER!!!

3. remembering the time we first met...this girl, around 9 years younger to me...she has got so much knowledge and what an attitude!!..i was like...wooohhh....MAN !!!!

4. think i need to write a testimonial for her!!! she deserves some beautiful words!!!

5. this time i was wrong judging the young lady...her moves can`t at all be expected...

6. an old movie is going on....starring Ashok Kumar and Meena Kumari...some Swami movie...a very nice song...no use of any techno music but then too...amazing comfort in the score!!!

7.I received her offlines today and read them for around 10 times each....i just love doing these things....read messages multi times and listen to the songs sent infinite times...

8. listening to a song now...

"Cause you had a bad day 
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day "

Daniel powter`s bad day...a very beautiful number!!!

Oct 17, 2007


The first light of dawn, cold breeze, chirping of birds........

A guy....standing in front of a house...staring the window facing him....


Blanket swept off....distorted hair.....relaxed face....curved lips...a smile....

A girl moves towards the window....curtains moved away....she looks down.....

Smile on both the ends....the urge to come closer reflected by the face......


He stops some meters away and looks back...just to see a translucent image of her.......

Cold sigh....roaring of bike and the bike starts eating up the roads again......

THE GIRL....sits back on her bed....opens the daily paper....picks up the cup....drinks some water....and watches her tears drop in the cup......

START of the day........

The guy meets some friends ... smokes some pipes...drives back home....smiles at everyone passing by and laughs with everyone calling....
smiles at himself..lies down with shoes on.....thinks about his life.....then again smiles....and closes his eyes to find sleep.....

The girl ... no traces ... probably enjoying .... smiling ... but still somewhere empty ... forgets for an hour and can`t stop the thought to come back ... thinks ... gets lost... and rules out...scribbles something on a paper...draws something...even she is unable to make out what it is...gets busy with the daily things...


The guy walks.. restless... feeling terrible about something...what?..no answer!!!...puts on the television..calls some of his friends...thinks...dresses up and leaves...again his bike eating the roads...and the driver being eaten up by something.....

The girl...makes a cup of tea...sits down...tries to carry on with work...with a fresh look...again gets a set back...lost...she has no idea when she finished the tea...has another....tries to work again...but of no use...the repetitive episode doesn`t stop...


The guy returns back...switches on all the lights in his house...looks if someone is waiting for...then smiles at himself again...sits down on the couch...and puts on the television...opens the water bottle...shoes still on...walks to the kitchen...takes out a piece of bread from refrigerator..applies some butter on it and bites it...puts on some music...DIDJA` EVER...by...ELVIS PRESLEY...humms some lines..

"You're at a drive-in movie

With a cute brunette
A countin' on the kisses that you figure to get
Closer, closer, then she hollers ho!
Didja' ever get one of them girls

Who just wants to watch the show"

The girl opens the door of her room...gets to her desktop...blanks out...still trying to forget the things...receives the message from the guy...thinks twice before messaging back...comforts herself...writes few words...continues...continues...with the usual punches....


Both remember the past...smile remembering the beauty and cry knowing the beauty can`t persist...slowly...unknowingly...the wet eyelids close down...

The girl switches off the light....The guy sleeps under the glowing lights.....

Oct 16, 2007

"yes for now...no for the lifetime...."
ridiculous...it seemed so to me too...

life moves and what we discover when we stop even for a second is that..."we have never thought about our present.."...either the past histories or the future mysteries....I have seen people being more sure about the future than their present....


i need to ask them..."HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS??"....Somewhere i read..."PRESENT IS A GIFT AND THAT IS WHY IT IS NAMED AS PRESENT...".....

I don`t know how to convey this to everyone....

"once there used to be a mango tree around,
it`s not here anymore,
we used to play in the shade and in the summers treated us with the sweet mangoes,
but no more now,
it is not anymore around....."

i just wrote this in order to see how it feels remembering the past in a very poetic manner....let us try with the future now...

"there will be a time ,
everyone will feel alike,
love will be the only thing existing,
with no hatred around,
there will be a time ,
the whole world will belong to single family,
no division, of any sort,
there will be a time, a day, when i rise breathing free with no demarcations in the atmosphere!!"

yes now this was for the future....see the common feeling....it is called CRAVING for something which is not there!!!!
let us try for the present now!!!

"i write and i feel free,
every word seems to lift me one step ahead,
the breath i take gives me the feeling of being alive,
the music around relaxes my nerves and kills the grudges, if any, in all forms!!!
i write and i feel the air around,
i write to feel myself in the scopes of infinity!!!"

see this is how it goes...i was just penning down something which was coming in my mind and obviously...it gives a nice feeling!!!!

Oct 14, 2007


Ya now here is one of the things that i am doing nowadays....i don`t know....people will feel that it is ridiculous....but when asked to me...i feel i am so very imaginative....

Hope whatever feeling is like people are going to enjoy this....;)

this is the first.....if u ppl are thinking what was i doing....i should tell you....i was trying to think about developing a DAS for the transformers and the induction motors.....this was how it was like....i mean the thought process...

"transformer is sitting in a boat and singing....'o majhi rey apna kinara nadiya ki dhara hai...' trying to give me some clue....when suddenly the transformer sees the developers...of! course me and my partner....and we both shout....'mummy papa aa gaye!!!'...lol!!!"


and ya i was trying to break my name too in parts to get myself a new scientific name like..."crazy tortoise"...or kind of....lol!!!

yes now this one...it`s interesting....the best thing i was just scribbling in one of my 10 rs. rough book....lol!!
it was yesterday and it seemed something was going wrong somewhere...so i wrote...d-day...no particular issue though...
two guys with their kite....singing..."woh chali humari patang hawa ke paar"....lollll...
an ice cream vendor....and two brothers watching him and and the ender asking the younger..."chotu ice cream khayega..."....and the younger one...very excited at the proposal...replies..."kyun nahi bhaiya..."....lol...lol...
then i have given my brain some marks like....20/25.....i don`t know for what....;)
then a wall of mountains...and the desert of thar....

everything is just blah blah blah....:)

make it a point to smile...after reading all and seeing the artistic input...:)

Oct 13, 2007



now it`s time for us to depart from the dreams,
things were imaginative, unnatural but beautiful....
it will take time to move on with the same essence in life,
we have to ...
this is needed....
suddenly i went ten months back and thought,
why din`t i understand the things....
again the destiny....
the need for being hurt...learning the hard way...

now i smoke and feel life getting out with every puff i exhale...
this was actually needed...

hope u have a beautiful life ahead!!!..:)

setting sun!!

still not at peace...somewhere something is bothering me.....i think i am suffering from the crumble of the brain....A NEW DISEASE in town....lol!!!

let me do one thing here...
i will play with the words coming in my mind.....let us see if a poem is created here!!..:)

rusted, smoothened, philosophical acquaintance, superstitions,
the tarrots, the parrots, the future in cards....
everything comes to zero,
when a mind plays games....games to be lost!!!!

will continue.....

Never know!!

We're shocking but we're nothing
We're just moments, we're clever but we're clueless
We're just human, amusing but confusing
We're trying, but where is this all leading?
We'll never know


I don`t know , since morning i am not at peace at all.....Why......What happened??....

deep down inside,
a slight movement,
probably someone was trying
To dig me out,
opened my eyes,
the light of happiness sprinkled,
some mud fell into my eyes,

Not the end though,
the sound still visible,
hands tied up,
legs unable to move,
eyes with dirt inside,
free the hands,
to rub the eyes.
Let the legs work,
to climb up!

A want, a wish to see the sun,
the warm daylight,
the blue sky,
the colorful world,

Oct 12, 2007


Hey ya!!! nothing much in mind for now....just was going through my orkut scraps and some of my friend`s profiles and definitely peeping in some scrap books...lol!!

Was seriously terrified to see one my pal`s eye which she has kept as her profile display....I was like....what has happened to her eyes??....Dark and haunting.....just some adjective which struck my mind when i saw her display....no insults intended here!!!..:)

My cat has come and she is sitting on the computer table and licking herself....one thing she has made me realize that more we hold something....more is the chances of it disappearing from one`s life....There was a time when i never let her out and she used to bug me by running out whenever the door was left open....One fine day something struck in my mind or cause of irritation i let her lose and just left the door open...She din`t return for nearly an hour and then the fear started to revolve around me....
I went out and she was not anywhere....I felt like crying.....So i started to shout..."billi, taaraa, baby....billu..."

There she was ... running towards me.....I felt like blessed!!!....For the first time i realized that she also can`t live without me...and she also loves me in the same ways as i do!!
That day and today...she regularly goes out and comes back after her prowl!

"if u love someone, let her/him lose...if she/he returns , she/he was always yours...if not.....she/he was never urs!!!"....

While writing this i just want to mention.....don`t loosen it on me.....i will never return....I mean it has happened with me a number of times....

Many girls have tried this theory on me and they have been as unsuccessful as Britishers were in breaking Gandhi`s Non cooperation movement....I will return if only i feel like....

Now when i m dealing this topic i should state that i have experienced many ppl who just want to submerge themselves in the feeling of love....u know that song..."mujhe ishq hai ishq se..."....same thing..They want to be in love!!!...More than the person .. they r fucking more concerned abt the feeling to have an existence in their life!!!


See this feeling has started raging my anger....i think i will take a break of sometime!!!!.....

Bless all who are addicted to this FEELING!!!!....I am more happy to be addicted to A PERSON or SMOKING or DRINKING!!!!!

Oct 10, 2007


Ya okay...now....i had this small chat with one of the girls arnd ... she is my project group member.....it was nice...and i enjoyed teasing her....:D

astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:33:35 PM): aai aai sair
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:33:39 PM):
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:33:50 PM): u got some more ideas abt anything?
amrita0831 (10/9/2007 10:33:53 PM): we have to finalose our first task n thats prject
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:34:17 PM): project yeah!!
amrita0831 (10/9/2007 10:34:32 PM): i went through other site which was on artificial intelligence
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:34:39 PM): okay and?
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:35:00 PM): what was the site which amogh mentiones
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:35:06 PM): i just can`t remember
amrita0831 (10/9/2007 10:35:34 PM): eetindia.com
amrita0831 (10/9/2007 10:35:59 PM): it was abt the chess game...
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:36:29 PM): ya
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:36:30 PM): and?
amrita0831 (10/9/2007 10:36:42 PM): we have design a controller which wil play chess with human and move the coins apbe aap
amrita0831 (10/9/2007 10:37:00 PM): oh sorry its apne aap
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:37:22 PM): okay
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:37:25 PM): hmmm
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:37:31 PM): and wats the concept behind it?
amrita0831 (10/9/2007 10:37:35 PM): entire set up is given in that
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:38:14 PM): solar speedway ke baare mein kuch pata hai?
amrita0831 (10/9/2007 10:38:19 PM): we have to use stepper motor to control the movement and a controller for programming
amrita0831 (10/9/2007 10:38:31 PM): no sorry what is that
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:39:00 PM): how solar power changes over the course of the day
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:39:04 PM): got it??
amrita0831 (10/9/2007 10:39:39 PM): ok but what is our role
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:40:26 PM): we can judge when the intensity is the max
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:40:37 PM): and this could be really a breakthrough
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:40:52 PM): i mean at what time the best can be got from sun
amrita0831 (10/9/2007 10:41:31 PM): oh great... but how are we going to do it
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:42:18 PM): it was not great
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:42:18 PM):
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:42:23 PM): it was sh**
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:42:25 PM): wait
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:42:27 PM): look at this
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:42:36 PM): this is something gullable
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:42:43 PM): and stereo fantastic
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:42:57 PM): http://www.sciencebuddies.org/mentoring/project_ideas/Elec_p015.shtml?from=Home
amrita0831 (10/9/2007 10:43:18 PM): hey i did not get you
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:43:27 PM): i have given u a link
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:43:30 PM): go to it
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:43:39 PM): and look at the project mentioned
amrita0831 (10/9/2007 10:43:59 PM): ok i have opened it.... its abt recoprding on wire
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:44:10 PM): yes
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:44:17 PM): go through it
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:44:26 PM): it is something
amrita0831 (10/9/2007 10:44:30 PM): k give me 5 min
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:44:45 PM): sure
amrita0831 (10/9/2007 10:47:19 PM): its ok but i feel its rarely going to be used now a days
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:47:28 PM): ya
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:47:34 PM): something i too thought
amrita0831 (10/9/2007 10:47:42 PM): then some more///
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:47:58 PM): but u know it`s a reply from ene to the cs revolutionaries
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:48:02 PM): don`t u think
amrita0831 (10/9/2007 10:49:16 PM): ya but now a days ppl wont think much... time and money matters... and it wont be compatable so easily as cd's
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:52:05 PM):
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:52:13 PM): kuch nai mil raha
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:52:18 PM): tum heen kuch bolo
amrita0831 (10/9/2007 10:53:08 PM): ok search on the topic which we discussed today abt IM and see its alredy implimented
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:53:22 PM): okay
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:53:27 PM): u mean to say
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:53:43 PM): the data acqusition system which we were discussing in morning?
amrita0831 (10/9/2007 10:54:00 PM): ya
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:55:45 PM): amrita
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:55:49 PM): tell me onething
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:55:55 PM): have u ever thought abt this
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:56:07 PM): i mean controlling the brightness of the light??
amrita0831 (10/9/2007 10:56:55 PM): wy that now
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:57:18 PM): i was going through some project
amrita0831 (10/9/2007 10:57:30 PM): okay........ what it says
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:57:40 PM): where they have used pic microprocessor to dim the light
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:57:47 PM): i mean whenever needed
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:57:53 PM): this can be implemented
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:58:00 PM): and it`s power saving too
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:58:04 PM): and useful
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:58:08 PM): and blah blah blah..................
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:58:43 PM): *microcontroller
amrita0831 (10/9/2007 10:58:49 PM): that is what i told you yes... the sensors.... i had thought of this
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:59:03 PM): arey woh band nahi hoga
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:59:12 PM): bas dimmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ho jayega
astrologybug (10/9/2007 10:59:18 PM): different hai na
amrita0831 (10/9/2007 11:00:17 PM): whats the diff baba... agar humko light nahi chahiye toh dim light is waste of energy na/
astrologybug (10/9/2007 11:01:23 PM): thra to chahiye na
astrologybug (10/9/2007 11:01:28 PM): bhoot aa gaya to
amrita0831 (10/9/2007 11:02:18 PM): toh waha se sab bhag jayende koi light ke bare me skchega nahi
amrita0831 (10/9/2007 11:02:28 PM):
astrologybug (10/9/2007 11:02:36 PM): light nahi hogi to dikhega thori na
amrita0831 (10/9/2007 11:02:40 PM):
astrologybug (10/9/2007 11:02:41 PM): dim rahega na dikhega
astrologybug (10/9/2007 11:02:44 PM): to bhagogi na
astrologybug (10/9/2007 11:02:45 PM):
astrologybug (10/9/2007 11:02:48 PM):
astrologybug (10/9/2007 11:02:55 PM): i m so intelligent
amrita0831 (10/9/2007 11:03:17 PM): yes very intelligent
astrologybug (10/9/2007 11:03:27 PM): thnx



Hey ya....i m back to blogging again....
all these days kind of....2 years at a stretch i was trying to get those people in my life , who in some or the other way can`t fit me....
Now i am like....what the FUCK!!!!!!
But it`s straight and natural....we tend to do mistakes and learn from them....so no net relations for me.....i m fine being alone or with few people arnd....
Life seems to be very natural now...no prooving factor left...and no abuses to face too....
I seriously...i mean i lost myself somewhere amidst all of these.....I even suffered lots of abuses and then i was the one to aplogise....AMIT.....WHAT THE FUCK WAS ALL OF THIS??? This is how i shout at myself sometimes....lol!!!
Anyways i wish all of them A BEAUTIFUL LIFE AHEAD........No hard feelings though they did consider me to be somekind of football...or basketball....or ping pong ball....lol!!!!!
FOOLISH ME afterall!!!


I am sitting in front of the television, watching something but not actually watching as my eyes are stuck on the screen but my mind i...