Nov 24, 2007

I KILLED THEM AND THEN I LAUGHED!!!...:D

don`t ask me questions like....Why??...What do you mean??....Where did you strike with??...

I don`t have reasons for it.....

I just killed them and i laughed at the sequences!!!....

The first strike was one with a brick...the hurt was bad...even my hand trembled.....something pushed me back....what i was doing was a Sin in eyes of many....leave others....i thought it as something wrong too...but what is said is not false always..."the touch of blood or squeak makes you cold blooded"...
This was not enough...they again got up with their feet moving in my direction...in a very means to attack me....causing a lot of confusion and scare in my mind....causing me to withdraw my steps ... my hands in continuous search of some weapon till in found a book...an old one...probably a dictionary....a bible of words....Bible says..."never raise your hands to put an end to a life"...but it was thrown back at them...making their existence here on this planet more difficult.....There they were on their backs...the bloody nymphomaniac cockroaches ...two of them...with a slight movement of their sensory organs...I did no mercy...one step on them...and a "pat" sound...relieved them from this circle of existence....

I smiled at my victory....laughed at the dead creatures....and moved forward!!!...lol!!!!:)

Nov 21, 2007

RASPUTIN.....13++..:))

The number 13....woooo....:P
so i added some + signs to it....in order to protect my blog from some unlucky charm....:)


I was busy watching some movies in the past two days....one being "SAAWARIYA"...and once again...."OM SHANTI OM"....the only question..."Why did SLB ever release his motion dream along with Shahrukh`s?"...bad decision to make....:(....anyways....i din`t enjoy saawariya at all....had to run out of the theater a number of time to save myself from the various sleepy strokes.....:D

Downloaded two new albums....one pre-release album of MJ, and the othe of Spice Girls "Now Return"...Gosh i loved the first one....i am so in love with MJ....:)....he just smoothens my heart....:)....everything is so good about him.....:)...let me write few words for some songs i have heard from these albums...:)

MJ - pre release album:-

1. Let me let go:

the worst news...the lyrics yet not available on net....but this song rocks....starts with MJ ethic..."ohhhhh girl"....so love this song....."girl don`t let keep me hanging"....the middle line repeated multiple times...and would surely be one of the religiously listened songs in forth coming months...:)

2. Get out of my mind:

soft number and the humming sound of MJ....
can`t just stop listening to this song....sticky one...:)...in the ways he sung..."do you remember"...with the back wordings...lovely!!!:)

3. Xcape:
u know...the body itself starts repeating all the MJ breaking down steps with the beats of this song....a must listen for all the MJ fans...:) i have heard this song before....probably included in this album....:)...a nice one...

i will keep on updating this album`s songs in my blog...as soon as i have heard all the songs around 10 times...:P

Spice girl`s album is not yet touched completely by me...so will have to wait sometime before writing words to bless them...:)

ALOHA...:)

Nov 17, 2007

RASPUTIN....12...:)

Down health wise....
watching a lot of television doing nothing....
continuous headache.....
block of thoughts....
not breathing as i used to....
smoking more than what i used to....
talking less to people around....
not getting sleep comfortably...
no hunger...

I am fucked in all the ways....and i don`t think that anyone is responsible for it....a passing face....where you feel silent...have nothing to do.....just want to view the scenario around doing nothing.....remembering your god...and asking him to get you out of the situation which is so worthless!!!

As i referred some lines from Paulo Coelho`s book "Manual Of The Warriors Of Light".."don`t try to find happiness , despite try to find out some river or places undiscovered".........but sometimes life lies so still....no air around....then you just tend to sit on a place thinking that in this world this is the place god has decided for you .....

Today it was not a day to continue the "Rasputin" series.....but i did.....and so here i am without any more words left!!!!

ALOHA...

Nov 14, 2007

COMPLETE FICTION!!!!...2....MARIA & ROGS

Looked at the watch....
he had to walk bare footed to the nearest taxi....Rogs climbed it and he seemed liked nothing in this world mattered to him now...after so much disaster....

"Maria...the only wall left for me now....behind which i can hide....on which i can lean and cry all those tears....strike my head and see those bloods running down!!!!!! The only gift given to me by the supreme lord, the ruler of the world, the one who has never ever cared for me.....Maria....she always told me to be firm on my decisions....not to take life so reluctantly and not be playful with my journey in this world!!!!"

Finally the stop....he reaches Maria`s abode!!!

Maria`s doors were open...probably the house was waiting for him....he enters without any noise...and lies down couch....in front of Maria who was reading the news paper...trying to figure out the things that have happened the day before in the city....

"Rogs are you fine?
just wait i will get you a cup of coffee!!!....", Maria walked towards the kitchen with her eyes fixed on Rogs...

Rogs sipped his first outbreak in anything solid or liquid since past one day ..... yesterday wans`t a day to remember but has left such a big mark that he won`t forget the things for nearly for his whole life now!!!

"Tracy died, Maria...."...there was a life long silence in the living room of "Nostaligia"(Maria`s old red brick house)...

"I know that ... i went to her funeral this morning....at around 5....her family was not there...she was buried by few of her friends !!!"....said Maria...

Rogs din`t expect this answer....but he had no energy left to give any reactions now...apart from some more tears....no drying up in this case....he just continued looking at Maria expecting some more talk from her...............


to be continued....................................................

RASPUTIN....11...:)

return of some good words.....:)
i thought why to end up anything at any bad note...and after attending "the art of living" classes and with the continuous humming of every statement given by Mrs. Madhuri Dixit...our instructor there....why should i act in such a stubborn way and full of ego!!!!

I messaged her and finally i feel she was also relieved to a great extent .... i hated her so much for taking so many decisions without telling me the actual things, but finally as i told her..."i spent some of the most beautiful moments with her".....so this wasn`t what she deserved!!!!...Be happy always baby!!!....and if ever you need me...i will always be there....:)....with all the hate or the love.....cause you hold some position which others don`t hold....:)

You will always be much more than everyone around!!!:)

You were a sweetheart, and you will always remain so!!!....cute little baby kitten...:)

take care....

love and luck forever...

miss you....

god bless!!!

Amit!!!...:)

Nov 13, 2007

COMPLETE FICTION!!!!...1

Blue....:)
FICTION...:)
GEORGIA.....:)....

i think i am changing myself a lot.....m trying to listen to "hum tum chori se"....this not yet a fiction...i will start with one in a short while....lol!!!...

just trying to find out...whether it will give me some relaxing effect or not...:D....


start:

wind strikes his ears...and he suddenly realizes that it is not night anymore...the day has started...eyes were not able to withstand the light...he closed his eyes and tries to figure out the things that happened yesterday night!!!!!!!!

"i was late reaching her house and was thrown out cause she came to know of the fact that i am dating some other girl....why can`t people just accept the truth without panicking up...it is not like i don`t love her but i can recognize more with Tracy....probably i don`t know how she was feeling....probably feeling like she was cheated upon....she was used as a plastic sex doll...but this isn`t the truth...i loved her and still care for her...can i ever tell her exactly what i faced???"

Rogs just stepped off from one of the benches which he used to rest the whole night after one of the worst episodes of his life!!!

Can`t find his shoes...probably were stolen last night cause he din`t care where he took them off and nothing...if not taken seriously stays for long....not even a pair of shoes....

He looked towards the sky with a grin over his face....he lost everything just cause he confessed his true feelings to someone not so included in his life...

This is why we are always said to think twice and remember our boundaries before taking any decision...cause then it ends to be a hasty one and this is how the things shape up!!!...

"Maria...she threw me out....i don`t know what to do!!!..."

Maria din`t have any words....she was unable to say anything .... she just remained silent over the phone and finally breaking the silence..

"Rogs, walk to my apartment....first have something to eat and later on we can discuss about this!!"...and she hung up!!!!


to be contnd................................................................

Addiction in my life is so sarcastic!!!!:)

Many phases in my life has always proved this....i get addicted to things, circumstances and worse than all...to people!!!!
Later it all ends up like...the things leaving me....me leaving the people or vice versa...and change in circumstances!!!...Ending up in a new place altogether!!!....Anyways i love these changes!!!...
Latest addiction i suppose is writing....i so want to write something good someday...i need to figure out what and when...cause have a lot to do in recent months!!!...Lots of people to take care and also to hate!!!...LOL!!!...

Opened books for few hours...tried to study and ended up reading some holy book!!!....Trying to figure out how can we reach the supreme lord....for that

1. i have to stop hating people...okay i stop this now....i will just erase all of them from my memory!!!...
2. love everyone....that i do!!!...he he he!!!...i love all the girls around me....:P
3. be true...awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.....:(....okay!!!

i will be back after sometime .. either continuing here or starting new post.....:)
have some work!!!:)

ELFANSANOA....(try to figure out ... what it means???...)

RASPUTIN....10...:)

It doesn`t happen often that i wake up so early in the morning...like 6:30 or so....and it never happens that i start writing down so early like 8 in the morning!!!

I want to do something...but what...i am not coming to the conclusion....there are times when i conclude something specific for myself and after some hours start losing interest in it!!..Why this happens?....i don`t know!!!

I am too done with all the social networking sites....like orkut and shits!!!....I don`t know how to trust on people who can`t be seen and more often how to tell them about myself....

There were times when i used to be so addicted to all these that i used to sit 24/7 looking after and caressing my orkut profile and managing it....making it beautiful....increasing the number of friends and scraps....all these seem to be so very stupid now!!!...I have real people around me...who know me and whom i know...so why to waste so much time discovering the part of the world with a very translucent contact like internet???....

I haven`t yet planned my day....don`t know what i am going to do with it....whether i am going to sleep at night cause of being tired or just for the sake of sleeping??....

This emptiness is seriously kind of killing me and i am feeling void...more void than ever....i don`t know what to do...how to walk...how to stand...what to gain from the numerous books i am reading....nothing...

I so hate this phase....

I am just walking all around the house...on the terrace with a Paulo Coelho book in my hand...flipping some pages....reading...reading....reading....and continuously reading.....Seriously missing my old days...when i din`t have time even to think...days just shaped themselves...i never woke up with any plans...they just developed and finally i ended up at some pub or with a drink in my living room....cause of being tired with all the work or with all the talks....

Then they ask me....not to smoke!!!....
Smoking is not a mere addiction....it is a strength for me....it helps me kill all these thoughts...

But ya...somewhere it is affecting me...i know this....the regular pains in throat...the attacks...i don`t know how to quit this habit...cause it is very difficult to get away from things you get dependent upon!!!!!....
Then it is not just addiction....it becomes a necessity....


ALOHA....(no smiles today!!!)

Nov 12, 2007

Again twice a day!!!!......

This can happen with anyone when nothing is there to do!!!....
Most of the times i don`t have any clue about what i am going to do the next second....and see i don`t have words too to write....
I think i should start with some fictitious blog where i can pen down some imaginations in my very fictitious mind!!!...lol!!!
Television is continuously blowing up my mind with lots of dhonis and shahrukhs everywhere .... Does it really affect the choices of people if something is being endorsed by a YOUTH ICON...or someone like that???...I don`t know...i haven`t gone for any brylcreems or fair and handsome yet!!!....

since my childhood i have always dreamed of making a motion picture based on Erich Segal`s "Only Love"...I don`t know if i will be successful at any time in future....but the plot....it never leaves my mind....if someone does it....i know it is going to be an epic!!!

They are showing a girl in drugs on one of the channels....i remember my years in drugs.....not a single day i woke up without a puff of grass and the whole day roamed in the streets feeling dizzy!!!!....That wasn`t a good experience though cause it cause me a lot of pain to get out of it completely!!!....

I WILL ALWAYS SAY....NO DRUGS...TO EVERYONE!!!!....IT IS NO GREAT IDEA TO REACH THE 7TH SKY!!!

ALOHA!!!!!:)

RASPUTIN....9...:)

I have to write something....it`s a day since i haven`t done anything with my blog!!!....
What??
I just can`t find the answer!!!

Yesterday was a nice day when i got three books for myself...

1. like the flowing river
2. veronice decides to die
3. eleven minutes

all by PAULO COELHO!!

I have started flipping pages of the first i.e. "like the flowing river" too!!!
let us see what i gain from this....till now i got a point which really influenced me was...
"two roads diverged in a wood and i took the less traveled by,
and that has made the difference!"

I am not aware whether i am on a different road or not...but i know i have to do something big in the world!!!

What i said yesterday to A.

" jab tak jo shuru kiya hai khatam na ho jaye,
tab tak kabhi nahi roonga, kitni heen takleef kyun na ho,
jabhi khatam ho jayega, to ek din roonga,
upar terrace par baith kar khoob roonga!!!"

(i will not cry till i reach the end of what i started and once when i reach there i will cry...cry a lot...sitting on the terrace!!)

I don`t know...these statement were not planned but they just came and they relieved me.....


It is not necessary whether you reach the place first or last....the more important is that you at least reach your destination.....the journey can be full of lots of miseries and uncertainty .... times when probably one has felt that life is not worth living...even planned for suicide or runaways but....the goal in itself is some galaxy one has formed for himself/ herself...so he/she shouldn`t stop before reaching the end!!!!!

ALOHA!!!...:)

Nov 10, 2007

RASPUTIN....8...:)

"Don't you know you're talking about a revolution
It sounds like a whisper
Don't you know they're talking about a revolution
It sounds like a whisper

While they're standing in the welfare lines
Crying at the doorsteps of those armies of salvation
Wasting time in unemployment lines
Sitting around waiting for a promotion

Don't you know you're talking about a revolution
It sounds like a whisper

Poor people are gonna rise up
And get their share
Poor people are gonna rise up
And take what's theirs

Don't you know you better run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run
Oh I said you better run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run"


this songs is playing everywhere around me today....the great song by Tracy Chapman!!!
but the song probably ends at a very beautiful and "may be" note....which i don`t agree!!...
I have experienced this...people still not trying to do anything to change anything which is not so very good in our society!!!...The best thing is that..all of us...i mean strictly us...INDIANS...have adopted everything which is not necessary from the western cultural...the dressing...the drinking....the music...but when it comes to being more liberated in thoughts...we again start stinking...
The girls are wearing all sorts of dresses which are not at all indianised but when it comes to thoughts ... they still try to behave like the "sati savitri " types!!!....I mean...please everyone grow up....they don`t know a single "shloka" in any of ours holy books but they talk about the indian society!!!....lol!!!....(no particular pointing done here)....
They can run to churches...precisely one of the status symbols in todays world....but when asked about the nearest TEMPLE....they still remain clueless!!!....
They can remain out till 3 in the morning but they keep on talking about family values and shits!!!!....

ANYONE THINKS IN ANY OTHER WAYS....PLEASE DO COMMENT!!...I DON`T HAVE ANY PROBLEMS!!...

But ya...isn`t this true??

If you want to resemble anything...resemble it in some true form...i don`t want to say.,...be perfect but you can be a slight resemblance to it...or finally you will end up being a faker!!!....Anyways...I am not here to reform the world...and if i feel like this...i will try to!!...

Why am i so complicated always??...
Even i can`t answer this....i have so many things hidden inside which i want to talk...but i can`t...cause all of them are pains...and i want to keep myself away from all the sad talks!!!!

Why is god so helpful towards everyone who has tried to break me somewhere in my life??...
God can you answer this for me???
I know he won`t do that!!!!!!!!! He will not answer me ever!!!!!....

I can do onething...to camouflage myself ... so that i just remain away from all the devils around...who just make me act as some step to rise into spirits and fucking when they get this...they just step on my head and show me the middle finger!!!!!...lol!!!

As i said to Vasu today....."if life itself has become a comedy for me, where is the scarcity of laughter ??"....

No more depressing talks today by Rasputin!!!!......

ALOHA...:)

Nov 9, 2007

RASPUTIN SPEAKS AGAIN....TWICE A DAY TODAY!!!...:)

I can hear the sounds of all the different crackers outside and i swear....though somewhere i love this...the massive noise pollution they are spreading today is killing all of my senses and i can feel a slight headache too!!!

So i thought it would be better to just scribble something in my blog rather than cursing all the small little devils celebrating LORD RAMA`S return to AYODHYA!!!....lol!!!(devils are celebrating....that was so nice of me...lol!!!...i am including the people of RAVANA`S mighty kingdom too in this!!!...THREE CHEERS FOR ME!!!...LOL!!!)

Onething i am noticing about myself is that i am living "THE WITCH OF PORTBELLO" nowadays...every episode just keeps on knocking my thinking cap every time i am doing or about to do something!!!...I wake up with it, spend the day with it and sleep with it!!!....THE GREAT TRANSFORMATION.....PROBABLY I WILL BE RENOWNED AS THE SECOND "ATHENA" AFTER FEW DAYS....IF THIS SCENARIO CONTINUES!!!...lol!!!!

I don`t want to say this...but i am missing someone....i shouldn`t actually!!!...but i am...this is the truth....and i can`t hide this fact!!..I hope this is nothing like love at all!!!....This time i will take enough time before getting to any stupid conclusion which can lead me into some situations i don`t want to be in!!!

anyways....the crackers and the great "AFGHANI BOMBARDMENT"....(what more can i say about the kids in the block...they are pain in the a.....neck....lol!!!)...are seriously blocking my thoughts and expressions too!!!...so i will have to stop now!!!

ALOHA!!!...:)

RASPUTIN....7...:)

What should i write today?
first of all...wishing all....A VERY HAPPY DIWALI!!!!:)

i don`t have any special news to deliver today apart from the most beautiful and sensational news of all...."om shanti om" is better than "saawariya"....lol!!!
yes, yes,yes, my Shahrukh rocked everyone again.....and all those assholes who deliberately insult him by calling him a homosexual and blah blah....should understand this....
LOVE YOU SHAHRUKH!!!!!

I was going through some other book by Bhagwaan Rajneesh .... and i loved few quotes there....

1.
If you wish to see the truth, then hold no opinion for or against.

2.
Fools laugh at others. Wisdom laughs at itself.

3. Experience life in all possible ways -- good-bad, bitter-sweet, dark-light, summer-winter. Experience all the dualities. Don't be afraid of experience, because the more experience you have, the more mature you become.


the thoughts of Rasputin subside now!!!!



ALOHA!!!:)




Nov 8, 2007

RASPUTIN....6...:)

so fucking sick of using the same color again and again...but can`t help...i have got this great habit of viewing the one side of life....it remains joyous for me always!!!

I do go into the blues frequently but come out with force cause i sure believe that our stay here is very short and any shitty cause however big it is, if bothering, is neither worth a penny nor a second!!!

But ya!! I am still searching for some AIM of my life...can`t just go on kicking the books and the jobs....what do i really want??....I have discovered one thing from all my experiences and all that i have read and heard...there is nothing called HAPPINESS existing in this world!!!..Recalling Athena`s speech in "The Witch of Portbello".."we should be concerned about joy, joy is like sex...it starts and it ends!"....This sure gives some substance to be thought!!!

Where am I going to find joy??

options i put in front of myself:-

1. continue my studies in the same direction and become somekind of technocrat....
2. get along with what my father suggested...about setting up a business of my own....
3. change my way completely...the one i pursuing since past 6 years and get into some thing i would love to do!!!

The third one i would love to consider first.....but then the question...what will i love???

U know it is not always great .... leave always....it is never great to be "jack of all trades and master of none!"..

I love music, i love to express myself in sketches, i like animations, i can be good in some public relation thing.....

How to select??...As Osho says..."just stay calm and let the creation decide what it has to do with you and you will get what it plans!!"...
But what to do ... just sit and watch ... the creation treating me as a football??...No...I can`t take this risk...

I will have to plan my life in a more sincere manner....I don`t want the so called creation to decide things for me just to keep some kind of balance!!!...(no hard comments against BHAGWAAN RAJNEESH...he was great and he will remain so!!!)

ALOHA!!!:)

Nov 6, 2007

RASPUTIN....5...:)

It`s so very pathetic using laptop....when you are a regular desktop user and a freak like me who just can kill for a hand laid even on mouse of SAMMY(my desktop computer)!!!

Few days now will have to stick to this cause of my hibernation to my sister`s place!!! We are leaving for Coorg today...and for sure going to rock the next two days!!!....

I smoked few pipes today....(love to call my usual brand "classic" as pipes)....but god knows why...wasn`t feeling comfortable smoking.....i think i will quit smoking some days hence!!....

Pinaki was upset hearing the news i had to give to him....then he asked me to shift to Bombay for some betterment....but i was in no mood to accept any kind of invitation now....probably Bangalore suits me more than any other city.....

Whole day spent getting all the gadgets ready for the trip...the handycam....the digi cam....ipods.....everything....

Hope to have a nice trip there!!!!!!

if i forget to update my blog till diwali....

A VERY HAPPY DIWALI....to anyone who goes through it!!!!

ALOHA!!!!!!:)

Nov 5, 2007

RANDOM!!!!!

all randoms crossing in the morning....

>> no desire to watch the match today...probably will have eye stuck when india bats....

>> have to study a little today..

>> Monday defines the day when i feel real closeness with my SHIVA....

>> eagerly waiting for "SHIV PURAN"...

>> seriously want to make a trip to "RAMESHWARAM"...

>> the conversation i had with A in the morning was so funny....still smiling...

>> Mom is so cute...he he he....

>> have to complete PAULO COELHO`s WITCH of PORTBELLO....

>> nothing more....think i will continue this later!!!!

The One!

The one within me,  That hidden from you, but known to me, Struggling to cast out, Break free! He moves when I am still, H...