Aug 11, 2007

gained!!!

sorry everyone....i am drunk...drunk a lot!!!

What at all he gained from life....his loved ones....

everything changes with time...

i was lost where ppl i love left me...

this life is becoming heavy...i am a loser!!!

i can`t see my father unhappy....the only reason why i want someone who can take care of him.....only i can decide this...even my mom can`t....
i know what he wants...

my papa loves my mum a lot...he smiles even while things are tough....
can anyone???
i don`t know...my mum understands him....my papa wants her..

how can i say her....baby even my dad wants u...


he is 58 now...young and strong....

i cried...lol...i called up my sis....and cried a lot...

papa never said he needs me....

never did he hug me and say...i need u son!!
hope she understands....what i am trying to convey...i am not so useless....

i think a lot...before considering her....i thought a lot...

this is for u baby!!

papa i will get you a daughter...i will get you a baby again...i know you need a baby girl...she will be for you always!!

my dad, kitten u know he cries...and when i see him...he stops...

he cries in front of my sis...i don`t want to take his ryts of crying.....


nevertheless!!!

don`t ...don`t....don`t....

i need....i need....i need...

lol!!!

don`t worry....this is what is going inside me.....about what?????

VODKA....lol!!!!

let me see!!!

din`t do anything productive today!! was sitting sitting...creating some posts in other blogs!!

stunner today was.....RAGHU brought food from his home for me.....i was like...what?????
why??
i mean.....jesus christ!! sometimes ppl do so much for you without any reasons....i have done nothing for this guy!!
i just respect his knowledge in any department...

this guy needs some description today!!!

Raghu....my batchmate....studious!! i never admired him before....till the time i came to know...he is not keeping well and still he is trying hard to get everything that is being taught!!!

i was like....wooohhooooo.....the guy kept on fainting and then too he never missed any classes....

surprising!!!

somewhere he did provide me some conscience to be more stable in my work!!!

Then we started studying and discussing things together.....probably some kind of friendship!!!

This gesture of his....i mean his bringing food for me from his home just because i told...."we people don`t get home made food....otheriwse we would have been eating more"......surprising!!!!

I thanked him like a million times .... till he got irritated to the level that he started taking the food back....

he has got 4 chapatis and some vegetable......

Thanx Raghu!!!!!



fuming!!!

I don`t know how far i am ryt when i say this ......"pick ur one ways out!"
can`t see anyone doing this around me....

just clicked on song birds and waiting for the application to get started so that i can play some songs.....

yesterday updated my ipod....the big 60 gb one...not the 3 gb shuffle.....
it`s pink and girlish....

i love my 60 gb class big one...it carries most of my fav songs and videos...and two movies...

1. FIFTY FIRST DATES
2.THE WEDDING SINGER

i love both the movies...favourite will always be...THE WEDDING SINGER...

richard marx`s hazard...all time favourite!!!

was into some site....reading something....
don`t have any perfect plans for today.....i don`t know whether i will do anything today or just let the day go wasted!!!!

the feeling...fill my lil world right up..right up...right up...

beautiful beautiful song!!

my kitten...a lil grown up now is sitting above my monitor now and staring at me...i returned to my desktop after so many days...cause i was sick of using laptop now!!

omg.....omg...omg....it was wild and jack johnson is singing.....i m so very satisfied that even my softwares know which song i should listen now....

better together!!! hmmmm....:)

it happens sometimes....the non living things understand u better than the humans!!!:)

Aug 10, 2007

friday the 10th!!!

kool red and bold ... this is what i wanted now!!
had a large cup of red/black whatever u will like to call it as....

now i am proactive.....a lil spoilt room in which i am dwelling now...
summing up...

a big 29 inches television of! course with cable....a telephone....some blank boxes which were previous homes of the gadgets i purchased....
left to the television....two racks....one a shoe .. overcrowded with i think 10 pairs....and one slightly to the left.....a small cute choco brownish rack bearing my sister`s combined photo and the other having my mom dad.....otherwise...a basket ball....a box...some other stuffs!!!

then my bed on which i m lying now...and my laptop which is being screwed by me...lol!

on the floor....innumerous gadgetries lying........my cell phone wid me now...and two ipods!!

i live with these!!...talk to these and work with these...and i am very comfortable with all these things...

man one silly thing in my mind continuously pissing me off and i don`t know why....i got through something written against me somewhere and i was like...what the fuck!! why for heaven`s sake they have to discuss about the things i am doing!! Only few words for them....

THOSE CYNICAL ASSHOLES SHOULD BE FUCKED IN ASS!!!

anyways....these things shouldn`t affect me but they do somewhere....i mean...when u don`t think wrong about anyone and there are people continuously doing this against you....you have no other ways out than to abuse them!!

a total gigantic turd kind of episode!!

in my wildest dreams too....ya it can be that sometimes i have not been truthful to some ppl...but i mean...when it came to me....i was always like mirror...if i wanted to be of! course....lunatics!!!

it was a day when i was like i will have my ways of revenge against them and she was like.....my guy shouldn`t have this revenge feeling....and that was a day and today it`s like....i don`t want to....i am totally okay!!

it takes a word sometimes to make you understand a story!!!!!!

it always happens with me...

when i was deviating from my career again....there was my sister ... who just told ... i am very proud that you are my brother....and this statement changed everything...

now here she is again back into thoughts and little bit losing herself..and i am not getting the most correct words to speak to her and make everything fine....probably oneday....me or someone else!!!



sonnet 17!!

"Who will believe my verse in time to come,
If it were filled with your most high deserts?
Though yet heaven knows it is but as a tomb
Which hides your life, and shows not half your parts.
If I could write the beauty of your eyes,
And in fresh numbers number all your graces,
The age to come would say 'This poet lies;
Such heavenly touches ne'er touched earthly faces.'
So should my papers, yellowed with their age,
Be scorned, like old men of less truth than tongue,
And your true rights be termed a poet's rage
And stretched metre of an antique song:
But were some child of yours alive that time,
You should live twice, in it, and in my rhyme."


i am not at all writing this for making people understand about my feelings....i would love is someone just peeps in this and laughs...calls me a freeko, a jackass, an ass wipe....or watever!! at least i made them laugh!!

i don`t want to forget my feelings which people i mean all of us tend to fucking forget!!
it`s not all about fighting with the thoughts and getting pissed off when you are not able to realize what they actually want you to realize...but also about knowing why these were coming...if u kind of ditched them....why?...if you accepted them...why??

anyways....we had some talk about past , future, present , mom , dad , life.....and finally we ended up at calling each other kittens....this is how we generally end!!

today`s comment..(the statement which will make my day whenever i remember it)......I WILL KEEP HANGING ON.....

confused??
it will be without knowing the things which made her speak the words....i told her..that i will let her hang on a tree with thin branches so that when she can fall i will catch her....

she was like...no no....i will keep hanging on!!!

cute cute cute!!!

some serious things were again encountered......which i think we will encounter always.....though i don`t want to....

today told her some feelings which i had for her.....

nyways late and she has asked me to have food...so i should have something!!!


scared!!!

Scared of something!!
don`t know wat....scared of failures...scared of losses....scared of drowning...

I took a long time to come to surface and i want to remain on the surface ... my oxygen is from the atmospheric air....not from the oxygen dissolved in the water..

Fuck...it`s really shitty when i think about my past....of no use....it takes a long to come out and it does.....

Every time u get the feeling...what if??

It`s scary....I don`t want to be part of any wrong!!!!

If it takes staying alone...away ... away from everyone...it is totally fine for me...but on the condition that the ones who are near me should remain happy!!!

Why so many complications??....I want to live a simple life.........some people who really care for me....and no one else...nothing else!!

I don`t want to be BIG.....the journey makes a devil out of a human!!!

Once i too called myself a KING!! One day i came to know.....the making of a king requires lots of sacrifices....no mum, no dad, no sisters, no lovers, no friends!!!!
The day i realized this i was out of the dreams!!!

One more incident which i remember now....i was trying to stop one of my friends not to take drugs and he was so badly in need of it....he started hitting me....i remember he had pushed me in a cover of barbed wires .. though i was like bleeding heavily...i continued stopping him...till he realized that he had hit me badly....and he broke off into tears and that day and today....the guy who woke up with cocaine hasn`t smoked even tobacco!

No meaning....just remembering one of shakespear`s sonnets!!


"
VV Hen I doe count the clock that tels the time,
And ſee the braue day ſunck in hidious night,
When I behold the violet paſt prime,
And ſable curls or ſiluer'd ore with white :
When lofty trees I ſee barren of leaues,
Which erſt from heat did canopie the herd
And Sommers greene all girded up in ſheaues
Borne on the beare with white and briſtly beard:
Then of thy beauty do I queſtion make
That thou among the waſtes of time muſt goe,
Since ſweets and beauties do them-ſelues forſake,
And die as faſt as they ſee others grow,
And nothing gainſt Times ſieth can make defence
Saue breed to braue him,when he takes thee hence."

the thing i got from the most beautiful sonnet in history of literature!!!

when i sum up the times and see the day persih in night
when i see everything getting old,
when i see trees without leaves,
when cause of heat the heard standing beneath the trees
and see the grains being carried away!!

then i think that this beauty is going to die one day!!
cause sweets and beauties go as time passes!!

no one can fight against time...and we are just left with the fact of begetting f childeren and children themselves!!



Aug 9, 2007

a new day!!!!:)

Woke up late!!
it`s like 1 in the afternoon.....switched on the television and stll lazy....ya but the first thing i did was shaving my facial hairs off!! it was completely necessary!!!

listened to some music and now watching television...
xcahging some scraps with her and wishing her to be fine and happy!!!:)

no more thoughts for the time being....i am out of the stock now....lol!!
sometimes it does happen!!


the day ends for me now!!

4:12...still awake as always....scrapped her and some other frnds!!
we did talk finally and i was so quiet all the time...i don`t know....even i cried for some reason....

here by me by 3 doors down!!!

hope u r doing fine without me....cause i am not doing so good without u.......how could i have been so blind for all these years....living without you.......want u here by me.....

i love this song always!!!.....always!!!!....

how can it be that someone is so good to u.....love you so much.....that the person just stops thinking about his/her self interest....i always had this question hovering around me.....

i get it here!!!!

life just screws things up......sometimes i think....why is the distance...then there is me giving reasons like....probably better understanding....

problems.....there are....i know....but why they aren`t?.. why can`t the things be straight....reachable in all ways??....

no answers!!!

pissed off !!!

Don`t want to say this....at least now not...but this is wat i am telling to myself...and i don`t mind if ppl will go through it!!

man i can`t get this...i mean.,..i don`t .....it`s seriously .....wat d hell....fucking killing !!!

just don`t ask me anything now.....i m so bloody pissed off and anyone who is reading this...i want to tell u....at the same time in other dialogue box i am pretending to be fine...

now something.....god came between and m trying to get back to mood!! i know name him and i will change myself!!! it happens with me always!!!
again pissed off....a statement against god!!! omg!! why is she not able to come seriously back into life.....u know wat....amit i.e. i try a lot.....i want her..need her....want her smile...but i am loser in this part !!

let`s see
i asked if i can call her up now....it`s orange...and m telling...the answer will be like...no stay here!!!

still not!!!! still not!!! waiting for baby`s reply!!!!
she had put some other question now!!!! wat the heck....but i will twist and turn and twist till i get a reply!!!

naaahhh...not now....straight frwrd answer like......i can`t pick up.....mannnn....i m fucking screwed!!!

i just said....this is not done!!!

here is the song....who wants to live forever.....i don`t like this song....but fine...i am okay!!!....in no mood to change it!!!

sending some hugs...
typing....

ya fine...changed the song.....a kind of magic now!!

it`s a kind of a magic!!! sweet song!!!

jesus ... she is drunk...:(:(...uaaaannn...uaaannn....no problems....she is my kid....i will get her !!!

it`s like...when kid`s don`t take ur saying....u have to force...and i am going to do the same with my child!!!

see it`s 2:06 am and let me see when i return!!!
it`s 2:10 and i returned!!! now fucking laugh at me!!!

see the question....are you angry too??....i said....no...why should i be???

why should i tell her...ya my brain got fucked when she din`t pick up the call...and i don`t know the reason why is she is off state now!! u know wat this is the biggest ....leave!!!

my mind is just blowiiiiiing off!!!

she is telling that god is angry at her,.....i mean why why why???:(

hammer to fall....i loved this song till i saw it as headlines of someone`s profile!!! fucking...

a straight question.....why do you want me to lose and lose again??

ya .. wat more can i say.....it happens....i can`t even think....a person whom i love so much crying so much!!

this is bad....BAD BAD AMIT!!

she is typing something now!! let us see!!

she is so good in pampering me.,....i just .... can`t say anything!!

wait i am good at pampering too....:D

che is cho very chweet.....i just hope...she was my kid daughter....jesus...i m just overwhelmed at this!!!

after my eating.....she is again after my eating
sweetu is again with the same topic....hecky...hecky!!!

nothing can be done baba....she is determined of not receiving the calls today!!! totally firm!!

just asked her if she needs to sleep!! man this girl never takes proper sleep!!

no replies....not at all....lil scared.....

it`s a hard life...queen.....over now!!

she sleapt???
don`t know!!!!:(

no replies of any sort!!!
someday...by sugar ray!!

someday when my life has passed me by....i lay around and wonder why...u were always there for me!!!.....i love this song!!

hope she was here....i mean my kid!!:D

where is she but???...man sometimes i just get killed!!! and that time is now!!!

omgggggggggg i was dc:(

is she angry....:(

no repliessssssssss!!!!....

behind blue eyes now!!!
hey buddy sorry for the delay!!!

i was just pasting things i wrote cause she wanted to read some!!!:D

she is so cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.......i pasted something from here which was like....is she angry?? ... no replies....she is like....i am here doll!!!

cute cute cute!!! very cute!!

she made one of those cute smilys and is like...u wrote that......cute again!!!


anyways....i am listening to scent of woman by itzak perlman!!!

neha IS HERE,,, wat is she doing at this time??

when a blind man cries....by the god himself...deep purple!!!

see this...she is asking me to sleep...and let`s see wat is going to be her answer now!!!

just hope she wouldn`t have faced so much.....i just hope

amit`s thoughts now!!!...1

listening to some queen songs now!! amazing....i always love them!! let it be any song!!
it can be that i stop listening to them for some fucking months btw later i come back to them again!! don`t know probably they have sung all the songs for all my moods!!

just some crazy feelings....i don`t mean that kind of they had some foresight and they were composing songs for a prince who was going to be born...

crazyyy!! seriously sometimes my own ways screw me a big time!!.....

nyways today is a big day...and i got the thought that i should start some kind of web diary rather than trying my hand as always in blogging!! it`s hefty man!! i know some ppl do that.....it`s not my cup of tea...bear....or vodka...watever u guys njoy...!!

stupid....i use this word heck number of times for myself.....it just struck me now....i am so damn bloody stupid!!!

ohhhhhh yessssssss i am the great pretender...my need is such i pretend too much....i am lonely but no one can tell!!!....

hey hey hey...just a song....not suiting me....i do pretend millions of times but i don`t pretend in front of myself...i am totally naked when it comes to watching myself in the mirror!!

i feel smokkkkkeeeyyyy....jesus!!

not now not now.....

okay fine i will not smoke....i will wait for some mins before i strike the cig!!

are u ready...are u ready for this...are u hanging on the edge of the seat!!

another one bites the dust.....i love this song......godddy...!!!

hey doning nothing now...just listening to the rap accompanying!!!

refreshed orkut and saw some scraps and heading towards the terrace....to see how someone is doing now!!!!

The One!

The one within me,  That hidden from you, but known to me, Struggling to cast out, Break free! He moves when I am still, H...